Flux

It is funny how your life changes every second of every day. It is in this constant state of flux.

At one moment, you think you have it all, then you don't. And people in your life change too. One moment they are always there, a must in your life, then they are not. Next thing you know you have a new batch of people in your life and everything is completely different. Nothing is the same, it is not what your used to. I feel this way every day. I miss things. I wish things would be better again. Life is hard right now. I have been at the point of giving up for a long time now.

I'd like for things to be more normal again, with mom and everything else. I want to be happy again too. But I feel like I am confused about what that even means. I can't tell if I am lying to myself or actually really feeling. I hope I don't hurt anyone along the way. That is the last thing I want to do. But I confuse myself, so I am sure I confuse others as well. I am just tired of the crap. I just want honest love. Maybe I am not allowed to have it. What have I been doing wrong all my life? It's a cycle, that's for sure.

"Spin me 'round again and rub my eyes, this can't be happening..."