Focus (more than just a photography term...)

So the countdown is 2 days.

I need this. Badly.

I have got to just get out of here and free my mind. Start over in a way. Think about new ideas and things in a different way. Live in the moment. Etc.......

When I get back I need to refocus everything. Be true to myself and to others. Ugh. I don't feel like I am being fair. I just wish I knew what is for the best. What decisions should I make? Who should be in my life and who should not? Someone somewhere along the line will be hurt. Possibly even me. But it has to be done.

I kinda feel like I need to just run away and not come back. Make it easier on everyone. Don't worry about me. I'll get by, maybe.

I am still the one in a flux. Will I ever escape it? At the rate I am going, I doubt it. Fuck, ya know? I am a horrible person, maybe. I need to try and be better. Step back and see things in a new way. Then [re] focus. But my eyes hurt. And everything gets more obscured every day.

Who am I anymore?

I am definitely NOT the same person I was up until March 2008. Something switched in me and I do not like it. Not at all.

Things keep falling. Down, down, down.

I need this escape. Come on 7am March 13th. It is a Friday, you know. What luck.

Starting over, on a Friday the 13th.
I have never been much for superstition.



[i wish i received comments on here. ya know?]

I can't walk away...

It's like I know I need time to sort out my feelings, but I long to have that feeling of being together.

Why when I feel the spark, do they turn out to be someone different than who I met?

And why when I don't feel the spark, are they wonderful? Which then makes me unable to walk away.

I feel so vulnerable and I can't seem to trust.

I can't even see myself in the next year let alone the next five. I have no idea, what is going to happen to me.

Fuck.