"I am trying to paint my art!"

Let's start by me saying I saw the new movie "The Time Traveler's Wife" last night. It was really good and I was crying my eyes out by the end of it. So I suggest you see it. If you have a heart that is. The reason I say this is because a few girls that were walking out behind us (who had to be a 2 to 3 years younger than us) were saying that that was the worst movie they had ever seen. I was like WHAAA?? I mean really, to not like this movie or atleast feel an emotion leaving the theatre, you have got to be a really cold and heartless person. I was also really engaged in it because it had to do with time and memory which are two of my favorite concepts in my artwork. Anyhow, thumbs up...go see it.

I have been working on copy and pasting my entire Xanga blog over to this Blogger. If you have known me long enough, you remember I used to write in a blog on Xanga for quite some time, 2003-2007 to be exact. There is not a possible export and re-import in to Blogger from Xanga, so I have to manually do it myself. This is not an easy task at all. The nice thing about Blogger is that it lets you back-date posts so I can make it look like these posts were written back in 2003 and so on. I am mainly doing this so that I have it all together and have any easy export option. I also found a website called Blurb that you can make books on, mostly photo books, but any kind of book really. What is awesome about it is that the software you download from them to make your book includes a way of pulling all of your Blogger entries out from the Blogger site and laying them out in a book format. So, if you are like me and love to archive everything you do...then you can make a neat little book of your blog. I think I will make one of just the Xanga stuff and then make another of the rest of my entries someday. Anyhow, so if you read my archives, you will find that all the older entries (2007 and older) are from Xanga. I have also labled them as Xanga entries so there is no confusion. I have definitely grown up since writing in that blog, so it is quite interesting to go back and read the things I wrote. There has also been an abundant amount of people that have come and gone within my life. Some that I miss and some that I do not. It definitely makes you realize how time goes by and things change. So if you do not either write in a personal journal at home or do not have a blog you write in for friends to read, then I suggest you start one and keep at it. Years down the road you will appreciate the documentation.

It is definitely weird to not be in school right now. It doesn't even feel like it's "back to school" time. I have to remember that school is in session even though I am done. I sort of miss it though. I miss the interaction and having something to do. I miss the art making too. I know I can make art whether or not I am in school, but when you don't have a deadline for it, you tend to get preoccupied with other things in your life and procrastinate. I am trying to decide if a graduate degree is right for me and what I would want it in. I really don't have the money to return to school, but if I could somehow make it work, I will. This is crazy though. I have been in school nonstop since I was 4 or 5 (pre-school) and now that I am finally done, I want to go back? Ha. I guess there is also that sense of nervousness about entering into the real world. I am totally clueless what career path I want to take and also scared I won't be able to do what I want because of this insane economy.

And then there is that other crap you have when become an adult...the stress of finding someone to be with, possibly marrying and making a family. I have already been apart of a few failed attempts to invest in a long trusting relationship in order to maybe one day have that. I do not regret the years I spend with people, but it does make you feel somewhat of a failure feeling when it ends and you spent so much of your life building a relationship that was actually not going to go that far. Also, as I mature I have felt that I need to be sure about the person I choose to spend my life with, there needs to be no doubt in my mind that I love them and can see that happening. I have been having a hard time feeling that for certain with anyone. I do not know if that is some sort of fear or if I just haven't found my heart yet. Sigh. I do not know. It is the most nerve racking thing in my life right now.

I really need to somehow get money in order to invest in a new camera. My current D-SLR is having a few issues and I need to replace it but also upgrade to something a tidbit more professional. I want to get a new one soon because I would like to launch my website soon and start shooting portraits and possibly weddings. (>.<)

There are a lot of things I want to get the ball rolling on lately, however I find that time passes so quickly and slips away from me. I just need to be a bit more determined I suppose.

I guess that is all I have for now. I will probably think of more to say as soon as I hit "publish post". Owell. I can always make another post, right?


<3 Steph